Harold and Maude

I actually really like this movie. Although it was very odd, it was a funny movie to watch even though it possessed a serious tone in the back-drop. Under normal circumstances I would have found it very unlikely that a 17 year old could fall in love with an 80 year old, but the characters possessed a unique quality that made this movie believable. It was interesting, especially, to see how opposite they were, especially on their outlook of life. Maude, a holocaust survivor, was very full of life and very active every day. Harold, on the other hand, consistantly pretended to be dead by doing various "killing" acts. Although many of the parts were funny, if we step back for a moment it is actually rather sad. He had no ambition to do anything with his life where Maude almost had her life taken away from her. It's as if Harold never felt completely loved by someone, and craved attention. It makes me wonder if Harold's actions are a direct result of his upbringing in a wealthy family. Sometimes people associate wealthy families (especially the children of one) as people who generally don't appreciate all they have. Although I don't think Harold is materialistic whatsoever, he definitely doesn't seem to appreciate his life and all that he should be thankful for. It also shows, however, that money doesn't buy happiness.

It was pretty sad at the end when Maude still decided to follow through with her death for her 80th birthday. Although her love for Harold seemed very genuine, it is confusing why she still decided to die. But if I look further into this, it makes sense that she wanted to die while her life was still full of love and joy. She lived a complete life filled with ups and downs and she seemed content with her choices she had made along the way. She could have also had Harold in mind, in the sense that he has the rest of his life ahead of him. I think she taught him a valuable lesson of taking each moment as if its your last and he can hopefully carry that with him for the rest of his life.

The Pain of Human Subjectivity: Desire and Mourning in Celestina

In Dr. Ealy's presentation, he spoke of the element of desire within a famous play entitled Celestina. It was interesting to hear of the dynamic that desire played within this work, but also the broader understanding of desire as a whole. He discussed how desire is a human trait which cannot be fulfilled. As humans we create a desire for something and it is merely an image of this want that motivates us, yet it can never be fulfilled because it is simply the image of this desire that we seek. It's a very interesting concept because I have never thought of desire in this way. Predominantly I have seen desire as a successful influence for motivating people and as a society we often associate being motivated as a positive thing. Many people work hard towards their goals, but are not satisfied. Why is this? Do we think this desire is going to fill that void, or will it create the outcome that we assume will follow? According to Dr. Ealy it will not. A desire for something is merely a facade or false belief in that thing. When we want something we usually have a set disposition that we think we will get once we acquire that thing, but oftentimes it is not the case.

Rape is Funny

I found this topic pretty interesting, especially since it's a topic that few people talk about. I have certainly heard my share of prison rape jokes, and I find even myself understanding the concept of "well they got themselves in there in the first place." Looking at it from another angle, however, I see that although a prison person has gotten themselves in that situation, there are different levels of crime. But regardless of the crime, rape shouldn't be the unintended reprocussion of that crime. But then again, if people are getting raped within prison, not saying its acceptable, that also shows the types of people who are in there (and thank god they aren't on the streets!). But a good point was brought up, if we can't control rape in an isolated atmosphere with officers holding guns, then what type of hope can we have that we can prevent it in the outside world where boundaries can easily be broken? It's a scary thought.

Although I think that rape should not be joked about, I can see where it stems from. In this day and age there are a lot of things that are more widely accepted as well as talked about. Fifty years ago we weren't even allowed to see a man and a woman sharing the same bed on t.v. and now we have shows and movies with various sex scenes and controversial acts. This makes me wonder if all this stimuli has created our society to become somewhat numb to these larger issues, especially of rape. Although most of us (or I at least hope) know that rape is a very harmful thing, we constantly hear or see movies about it and so maybe we have come to the point where the shock value diminishes. I know earlier this year we spoke about war and war photos and questioned how much numbness is created by viewing such things frequently through the news, video games, movies, etc.

Requiem for a Dream

After watching this movie, I wasn't as appalled as I thought I was going to be. Although watching the lives of four addicts take an ugly turn for the worst, I felt somewhat numb to it. It was, mind you, my first time watching the movie. For some odd reason I find these types of movies more interesting than disturbing, as it is a life so unfamiliar to me. It's interesting to examine how similar emotions in different people are played out in very different ways. I myself, have felt lonely before, yet I have never been drawn to drugs as an escape from reality. I am sure I divulge into other mediums, but I find it rather fascinating and confusing why different people take different routes and what exposures must they have for such events to occur. I liked how the movie didn't just look at drug addiction in the form of heroin and cocaine but also the addiction to diet pills. It's a very compelling contrast to see both forms used throughout the movie to show how being addicted to anything can have a deadly effect on one's emotional and physical health. The movie reminded me very much of Nic Sheff in the book Tweak where he tells us that he had done anything and everything in order to get his fix. He stole from his friends and family, and he even sold his body for money. Similar things take place in this movie, where the television is stolen from Sarah's home so Harry could get some mother. This is again reinforced when Marion goes to the party at the end of the movie and is seen doing disturbing sexual things in order to get drugs. It still amazes me how much drugs have an effect on someones reasoning and logic as their priorities shift from the normal to the very unpleasant realities of addiction.

Short Readings

After reading the short stories about different ways of feeling as well as dealing with pain, it was interesting how each one differed. The Beard reading was about a woman who was saddened by the suffering of her dog, along with the departure of her husband. Midway through the reading, the audience discovers that it is truly about a school shooting in which one of her favorite colleagues is shot. Its a very tragic story. Although it is interesting that the writer chose to incorporate the story of her dog and husband along with the shooting, together, I didn't find it effective. The reader was led to believe the story to be about one thing, and completely shifted to another topic. She was very detailed within her writing which I liked.

The Richards story was not my favorite. Although she wrote very eloquently, I thought she could have created a more emotional response to what she was going through. I really liked how she talked about the fishing story. That felt more genuine than words could ever show. It showed the agony of the death her grandmother was forced to accept. I like stories that show deeper meaning and stand back and look at the larger picture about why they feel a certain way. I think she could have done this more within the story. I didn't feel connected to the writer, especially since I have never had to deal with such a thing.

The Strayed story was by far my favorite. Her intense honesty is intriguing. It's compelling that she brings up the idea that in America we go through certain stages of grieving and are only allowed an allotted amount of time to grieve before its considered a disease and we need help. I think she is pretty right about that. When it comes to a loss, it never gets easier to deal with, but you learn to move on. Its unfortunate that such an event has had such a huge impact on her to transform her life from that of a happily married young women pursuing a college degree, to a promiscuous, drug craving woman. Its amazing to examine how different people cope with life experiences quite differently. Why is it that we do that? What makes one method easier to cope with than another? Why is is that some people divulge into sex as a way of filling the void, while others prefer connecting with individuals sharing their pain? These are all interesting questions that we can ask ourselves. And there is no exact answer unfortunately.

Push

For some reason this book was difficult to get through. Due to the grammatically incorrect layout of the novel, I found it hard to really allow myself to dive in. I was focused more on the grammer rather than the text. Although I know this was the intention of the book, in order to show the reader a more in depth glimpse of what life was like for Precious, I think it took away from the emotional aspect of what she was going through. It was such a shame to hear of such a young girl being sexually abused by her own father, and physically abused by her mother. Both have contributed to her emotional abuse I believe, and her neglect as a human being. It's a shame that she was unable to receive positive reinforcement by her parents, but rather a destructive chain of events.

The worst part is that she is unaware of the full capacity of what is right and wrong. With her fathers sexual abuse, she says she hates it, yet it feels good sometimes. As for her mother, she gets verbally and physically abused, yet she finds similarities of herself with her mother. Overall she has a difficult time in understanding the events that have taken place in her life, and how those events have shaped who she has become. Although she has been faced with a great deal of pain, she learns to overcome some of this pain and this gives the book a sense of hope.

Beautiful Boy by David Sheff

WOW is all I have to say. I thought this book was a joy to read as well as very interesting. I finished the book within two days, and continued by reading the sons book Tweak by Nic Sheff. I think David Sheff did a wonderful job in bringing to life his story about his sons addiction. He frequently questioned himself throughout the novel, yet by the end it seemed as if he learned the painstaking reality that he can not choose what his son chooses for himself. He can wish and hope his son chooses a life that is fulfilling and filled with happiness, but he cannot force this upon him. It seems as though David's hardest thing to cope with was the control of his son's life. He felt he did was he could as a father to provide the necessary tools for a successful life, and he see's his sons addiction to meth as a way of throwing that away. Along with this, I think David feels like he has failed his son in many ways, whether it was the divorce or for causing him to constantly shift from his family during the year, to his mothers over the summer.

One of the most heart wrenching things is the impact his sons addiction had on his life, along with the rest of the family. There were some parts where I could completely empathize with the father. Here he was giving his son so many chances, as I am sure most parents would do, yet each time he was disappointed. Although you root for Nic to get better and overcome his addiction, I felt as if he was very selfish for putting his own needs before anyone else. He would leave for days at a time leaving his family in a panic, while he was carefree. I think David's story was one of a quest because he slowly comes to the realization that he needs to do what's best for himself and the rest of his family, and Nic can choose which life he chooses to live. Although this is very difficult for him, I think he is doing the appropriate thing. It makes me wonder if Jasper and Daisy will grow up and resent their brother for causing so much strife within the family? Will they resent the missed personal time with their parents because they were busy dealing with Nic? Although David touches on the notion that Nic was forbidden to see Jasper and Daisy while he was relapsing, I still feel as though they would have missed out on some things because of their brothers addiction. The one part that made me somewhat emotional was when Nic gave Jasper a letter saying how he was sorry and that " I will be here for you. I will live, and build a life, and be someone that you can depend on" (p. 233). Again he relapsed again...

Another interesting thing is how David always managed to stick up for Nic. He insisted that the Nic off of drugs was not the same Nic who was on drugs. But when I read Nic's book, ironically, he thought the complete opposite. He felt like no one when he wasn't on drugs, and when he took drugs he felt important and carefree. He felt like a completely different person, and although he liked some parts of his life when he was off drugs, he insisted that it was too hard, and he felt too empty to not have drugs. It was more than just the addiction to drugs and the high, but he felt that drugs filled a void. It makes me wonder where exactly this void originated from. Maybe from the divorce? Maybe from his two homes? It's hard to say though. He did well in school, he attended Berkely for at least a year and seemed like an overall good kid. It was sad to think that the father blamed himself somewhat for his sons addiction. He either believed it was caused from a situation that he produced or it was derived from his own experimentation from when he was younger.

The best part about the two books, was how, whether on purpose or accidental, the stories fit together like a puzzle piece. The fathers story layed out the framework for Nic's childhood and his divorce. The father also would speak of days in which Nic was gone for days at a time. Nic's book filled in those gaps. He mentions what he did during those days he was gone. It's amazing how much a drug can effect someones life. He prostituted his body for money. He tried stealing items from his families homes. He was completely desperate and vulnerable. He had a near death experience, yet says how he would wake up from blacking out and do more drugs. Along with that, it is also amazing to see how much a body can handle. The father even mentions a time when he found a journal entry listing a typical days worth of drugs: 1.5 grams speed, 1/8 oz of mushrooms, 2 klonopin, 3 codeine, 2 valium, and 2 hits of e. It's astonishing.

Overall I thought both books were amazing. I read both very intently and quickly. I have even recommended them to my friends and family because I thought they were so good.